Boys can be so stupid...

We have this conversation almost daily--about how stupid boys can be. It's mostly in reference to teenage boys and their interaction with my daughters or their friends, but sometimes, it extends to men. I tell my daughters that about some things, men will never "get it." Exhibit A:

This figurine of a balking mule was given to me by my husband for Valentine's Day 2001. He saw it on a trip to Amish Country in Ohio, wanted to buy it for me but didn't want me to know he was going to get it, left and went home, lost the contact to the store, had to SEARCH to find the store, finally did, purchased the balking mule (whose name is Dolly, by the way), had it mailed just in time for my fabulous Valentine gift. He couldn't even wait to give it to me on "the day" so gave it to me early. Needless to say it didn't go over very well, and I ended up getting a gigantic box of Godiva afterwards for all my hurt feelings.

Yet, to this day, my husband, who can be really smart about most things, thinks this was a great gift and I just didn't appreciate it in the right way...

It took 16 years, almost!

When David and I first got married we made tacos at least weekly. It was one of our staple foods along with Double Dave's pepperoni rolls, beans-rice-cornbread, and sandwiches. Tacos were almost like real food because we had to do some preparation...AND they had meat and vegetables in them. You remember your poor days, don't you?

Well, I got pregnant not too long after David and I got married. Morning sickness didn't kick in until I was almost 3 months along, but when it did kick in, it kicked with a vengence. One night we sat down to our dinner of tacos, I took a bite, managed to get it down, and tried another. This wasn't all that unusual as most foods made me do that. However, after bite 6 or so, I ran to the bathroom, and unloaded all of that and most of everything else that I ate that day. I managed to suck on some Jolly Ranchers and get my stomach to calm down, but couldn't possibly eat more of those tacos.

The next time David was cooking, I smelled the tacos cooking, ran to the bathroom, and then had to sit outside until the smell went away.

The next time wasn't pretty at all. I had the reaction to the smell, but then felt miraculously better, ate dinner without a problem...and about an hour later while David was in the bathtub, threw up those tacos in such a disgusting way I thought I was going to die. As I was sitting on the floor in utter embarrassment and David is shocked in the bathtub wanting to do everything to make me feel better, I weakly requested that we not ever have tacos again.

I have tried on a couple of other occasions to eat tacos, but I've always felt nauseous and couldn't proceed. Last night, though, at the special request of my kids, I bit the bullet (so to speak) and really enjoyed it, It was flavorful, crunchy, spicy, and just about perfect. Meat and vegetables..And David said, "I would never have thought it would take 16 years, but here you are!"

Everyone's heard of writer's block...

...But do you think there's such a thing as reader's block? Lately, I've been experiencing something I can only term as reader's block. The book is interesting, theoretically and plot-wise. The main character is based on a real person, someone historically significant; the setting is 10th century Japan, an area and time I know nothing about. Really, I should be very excited about reading this book--and I was at the beginning. But 200 pages into it...I was beginning to avoid it. When I would read, I would find my mind drifting and then not care that I'd run my eyes across 2 pages and didn't know anything that had just happened. I could pick that up in context as I went on. And with another 200 pages to go, I just didn't see how I would ever be able to read another book in my life.

And that seemed a little out of hand, especially considering all the books I've bought lately that I can't wait to read. So I've put it aside for a few days/weeks until I finish my next book, and then I'll get back to it and see if it engages me again.

I find this behavior/approach to reading interesting. In my book club there are people that will not put a book down no matter how bored they are or how awful they think the book is. I'm willing to give it 100 pages and then if I don't want to read it anymore I put it away never to worry whether I finished it or not. And if I truly didn't like it, that action will never bother me because I'll never miss those characters or that story. There are others of us in book club that won't read a book if it's about a certain topic, or will put the book down as soon as something specific happens--like child abuse.

So, in lieu of a review of a book I'm not sure I like enough to finish (Tales of Murasaki by Liza Dalby), I'm asking you what kind of reader you are when you approach a book that just isn't grabbing you like you think it should.

Thank Goodness for the Giving People

Our heater finally died on Saturday morning. When the guy came down to give us a report he said, I'll give you the good news first--I don't even remember what that was. The bad news was that the heat exchange box on our furnace was cracked and that the heater was likely leaking carbon monoxide into the house--a bad thing for anyone to consider even if it was going to be 30 degrees that night.

So, we bit the bullet and ordered a new one. Thank goodness they are installing it today because it's blustery and miserable out there and the only reason I'm not freezing to death right now is because we still have a good bit of residual heat from yesterday.

But I feel so sorry for those fellows out there working in this horribly cold weather, on my roof, without the good protective clothing you'd find in areas where winter really means something. So, I'm thankful for people who are willing to suffer so that I can sleep warm and cozy tonight...

Two Pinwheel Quilts

The first is a turquoise, brown and green pinwheen given to a friend who is having her baby boy today. The second is orange, brown and black and is named after my kitty, Lochi because she's orange and black. I pieced it a few years ago and had it machine quilted this month.

Need time Off

Have decided that need time off from the blog to get the projects at USM completed and my life back in order. I'll be back on the 13th...

Miss y'all!!!

Book Review: The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

It isn’t very often that I read a book and want everyone I know to read it so I can talk to them about it. I thoroughly enjoyed this book and think it’s one that most people would enjoy…and when I say I “enjoyed” it, that kind of freaks me out because it is rather creepy for the first half, but so well written that you’re sucked into the tale and don’t want to put it down. I’m assuming this is why I’m so tired today!

The premis of this book is that the most popular British writer, Vida Winter, is dying and wants to tell her life story to a woman, Margaret Lea, who runs an antiquarian bookstore with her father. Ms. Lea doesn’t embark on the task very willingly, but does so anyway because she loves reading and having discovered Ms. Winter’s work, she is excited to find a complementary soul.

I don’t want to tell much more about the plot other than that because to do so would be to spoil the book. It is about family, facing your demons, class system (it IS a British novel after all), and most importantly the love of reading and a good story. It is a book that came to me through many different channels until I finally admitted that I couldn’t avoid reading it. I’m glad I didn’t because it may just be my favorite recent novel.

February Already!

Hard to believe that January whooshed by and now it's already February. Winter seems finally to have arrived, and we all seem to be shivering in our houses while covered up in sweaters with personal heaters nearby.

When I was a kid, I always remember loving February. It was a special month because not only was it short but it got an extra day every four years. I always thought it would be cool to be born on leap-year day, but I guess my mom couldn't have held out another 3 months to ensure that could happen.

February also had all of my favorite holidays--Ground Hog Day which was just so weird and silly I loved because of the symmetry of the date: 2/2. Valentine's Day was always wonderful because of the little cards we always exchanged atschool, hearts were everywhere. I loved any month that used a holiday as an excuse to decorate in red. I also always thought President's Day was cool. It was always a neat tradition to look at pictures of Mount Rushmore and talk about Washington and the cherry tree.

But there also always seemed to be a negative to February. It seems that I got sick every year with a dreadful flu that would keep me home for several days. In 7th grade I was hospitalized with pneumonia and ended up missing all the Valentine's festivities. One year in Kentucky in February we got 2 feet of snow overnight that shut everything down for several days. Another year in Kentucky I got the flu that resulted in an ear infection that lasted for 2 months.

So February always bring to mind a conflicted set of feelings. I am excited about the holidays. I love any excuse to have an "extra" date with David, and maybe get some jewelry or flowers. But I do cringe at the other miserable historical events and hope that this February will be different...

Late today!

Sorry I was late posting today. I got my boobs squashed this morning (hate that, but know it's a good thing) and then went shopping, had lunch with my friend, went to Wal Mart and then came home and did some finance stuff with the business...

I'm finding that even though I'm now working from home I'm having less time to get everything accomplished. It's started to make me feel a little panicked. I had such a wonderful work day on Monday but then things went screwy with the kids and one of the groups I'm working with and it seems like nothing else has managed to fall into place.

So, I'll play this evening and then go to bed early and read some of my really good book (review will be forthcoming within the week) and hopefully relax so that tomorrow is productive...and that little creativity bug can start to come out and peek around and see what it wants to talk about and do--quilting, sewing, etc.

I can feel it...

...the creativity that I want to come out...I can feel it burgeoning there on the surface of my brain. It is straining, but it is telling me there's entirely too much stress in the way to come out. I almost feel like I did back in the spring of 2002 when I'd been at my first "real" job for about 4 months, spring has dawned gloriously with sunshine and buds and green, green grass. I had one puny window in my office that taunted me with azaleas in bloom...all I wanted to do was be outside playing and rolling in the grass, but instead I had to deal with this jerk of a boss who made me feel so low. The play I craved was my way of dealing with that jerk, but he was preventing me from being able to play because I was so miserably in his power.

In fact, one of the reasons I was looking so forward to resigning my position at USM was that I would have more time to be creative and have fun. That the projects I'd be working on would inspire me to be a better quilter and mother and wife and friend.

What I kind of forgot about is that indeed I will be at that place, but not before February 12th. See the 12th is when the last project I'm working on for USM is due. And then I won't have to spend any more mornings like today sitting in a meeting for 2.5 hours listening to people brainstorm how to make their project better all the while ignoring that they have a 17 page draft in front of them that is a really good start and a deadline looming its ugly head just around the corner. I will be happy to be rid of them, their annoying behaviors and the stress that they pile up on me. I will be happy to be able to let that litte creative bug come out and see what stories I can tell...I have so many piled up in there. But the waiting and the stress and the irritation with everything else makes it hard not to be a little bitter.

For the record, I had a wonderful productive day yesterday...it's today that's left me gloomy.

One of those Questionaires...

I thought I'd do the answers to the questionnaire that my friend Rose sent me...Feel free to comment on new things you learn about me!

1. What is your occupation? Consulatnt
2. What color are your socks right now? Blue
3. What are you listening to right now? Kid Rock (it's a new thing)
4. What was the last thing that you ate? Oat Meal Squares Cereal
5. Can you drive a stick shift? YES
6. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Periwinkle
7. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Diann Loper
8. Do you like the person who sent this to you? but of course!
9. How old are you today? 37
10. Favorite drink? Diet Dr. Pepper
11. What is your favorite sport to watch? College Football, especially if the Aggies are playing
12. Have you ever dyed your hair? Regularly
13. Pets? cats, Oliver and Lochi
14. Favorite food? Probably Italian, but whatever is on special at 206 Front Street
15. What was the last movie you watched? Austin Powers (I had to because of the kids!)
16. Favorite day of the year? My birthday!
17. What do you do to vent anger? clean
18. What was your favorite toy as a child? Light Bright
19. What is your favorite, fall or spring? Fall
20. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, unless you mean the candy in which I love either but can't eat them
21. Cherries or blueberries? Cherries
22. Do you want your friends to email you back? Absolutely
25. Living arrangements? Old house with the family--2 15 year olds are difficult roommates...but we're coping
26. When was the last time you cried? Can't really remember. Since the hormones have been regulated, I haven't really cried that much...
27. What is on the floor of your closet? shoes
29. What did you do last night? went to dinner with David, drank some wine, played nintendo and went to bed early
30. Favorite smells? roses
31. What inspires you? setting a good example for my kids
32. What are you afraid of? spiders falling in my hair!
33. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese
34. Favorite dog breed? don't really like dogs
35. Number of keys on your key ring? 4
36. How many years at your current job? 2 weeks!
37. Favorite day of the week? Saturday
38. How many States have you lived in? 3
39. Favorite holidays? Christmas and 4th of July
40. Ever driven a Motorcycle or heavy machinery? No

It's Friday...

But it feels like every other day with that added anticipation of a date with my hubby.

Working from home has some definite benefits. I can wear stretchy pants, t-shirts, and pony tails most days. I even look forward to putting on "real" clothes when I do have a meeting or lunch planned. I can listen to my music really loud, dance, sing, and otherwise enjoy myself--yes, while I'm working. I can take breaks when I need to to do important things like laundry, or start dinner. I can even sew when I'm in a particularly contemplative mood. I love having all my windows open letting in the sun. I can adjust the temperature so that I'm not freezing or sweating. My kitties are around me all day and they charm me with their cuteness on an hourly basis. I don't have to answer the "front office phones"...basically I'm having a ball and know that I made the correct decision in deciding to work from home.

But then there are other issues...like setting up the office was expensive and time consuming. I spent all of a weekend shopping for and buying furniture, computer equipment, etc. Then there was the actual seeting up of all that beautiful equipment and furniture which took another couple of days--all the while I have projects piling up with deadlines looming. But what's gotten me recently is that, well, if the computer stops working properly, I'm the one in charge of it...and while I'm getting the basics of accounting despite not being an accountant, I don't think I can get the basics of why my laptop refuses to connect to the internet despite the fact that it shows that it's connected, receiving signals, etc...or why it'll do it for 5 minutes and then quit for good. That's annoying because before I could have just called Justin and he would have showed up eventually to fix my problem. But now, I'm Justin and I don't have a clue!

But I do love Friday because after today I can relax on Sat. and Sun. and I get to go out and have a very nice dinner and some wine with my hubby AND come home to an empty house since the kiddos are spending the evening with a friend...and since we do have a computer that is connected to the land-line, I'll be ok...there's interenet access at least, even if I do have to fight David for it :)

Betty Asked...

And I will answer...

She asked in her comment to yesterday's blog: "Merle used to sing to you???"

And really, if you know my daddy, this IS a pretty funny thought. But yes, he used to sing to me every single morning. The following tune...

"get out of that bed and wash your face and hands, toodaloodaloodalooo!"

The verse could be repeated over and over again depending on how much of a response he was getting from me and almost always ended with a rapid flipping on and off of the light.

Daddy, as far as I know, sung under no other circumstance, except for two little ditties--one: "trailers for sale or rent" and another that you got something for a dollar...I can't remember the exact words. Anyway, one Christmas at his Sunday School party one particularly festive class member thought it would be really fun if we sang the 12 days of Christmas with groups drawing their day. My dad, me and Monica Allen's dad picked the "five golden rings." It was so horrible and sad and embarrassing, and I wanted them to stop so badly but no one else seemed to realize that my dad and Monica's dad couldn't find the tune if you gave them a map, tied a rope around their neck and drug them to it.

So, yes, imagine THIS person singing to you a song he made up with the added light show to boot--when you're NOT a morning person :)

A Morning Person I am Not

I have never been a morning person. I hate waking up. I love being warm in the covers with my kitty next to me purring. The whole thought of having to dress for a day of dealing with people, is overwhelming first thing in the morning.

This was so even when I was a child. I remember my mothering having to come wake me up over and over again. When I was really little--first or second grade--I would fall asleep sitting up in front of my dresser. Moving, much less dressing, was no fun.

My dad would always sing to me in the morning. I guess this was his way of overcoming my grumpiness, which was really bad. I hated getting up, I hated the whole process of having to put on makeup and fix my hair, though I would do it anyway--to the extreme so it appears from my pictures.

As an adult I still hate getting up in the mornings. I would rather take hours to get ready to deal with people, eat my breakfast, check my e-mail, catch up on the news, but I'm definitely NOT going to take those hours away from my sleep! Even now I wake up at 7am on weekdays and sleep until 10 or so on weekends.

But never have I done something really stupid in the mornings until today. I was putting lotion on my face--the closest approximation to makeup I wear these days--and had just taken my hair out of its bun that I sleep in when I remembered that my eyes were really sticky and puffy so I grabbed what I thought were my allergy eye drops only to question why it was so slow dripping from the stopper and then when it touched my eye I started screaming because I burned so badly! Normally the eye drops sting a bit but they don't feel like I've got a searing burn on my eye ball--and that's when I realized I had picked up the bottle of acne medication--salicylic acid to be exact. In the panic of "oh my god what do I do it burns so bad I'm going to die" I remembered that you're supposed to rinse your eyes really well when you get something in them, so I splashed and splashed my eyes for a good 5 minutes. I'm happy to report that besides it being a little red and sore, my eye is doing well.

Mornings and me: like oil and water!

Lochi, the Quilting Kitty

A few years ago for Christmas, David bought me a book titled Cats who Quilt by Judy Heim and Irina Borisova I highly recommend this book for any quilter who loves cats. It's so funny, even if you don't have a cat who quilts...but if you DO have a cat who quilts it's simply hilarious.

Just a few days after I brought Lochi home from, this is where she could be found:

She loved it when I was cutting fabric and would throw away the strips into the trash can under my table. At one point, she was carrying the strips of fabric from my trash can to this basket so that everything could be in the right place. She still naps in this basket if I'm sewing.

Just a little later, Lochi is still demonstrating her love of quilts in this picture. Here I titled her the Princess of Quilts for obvious reasons.

In this picture it isn't obvious if she found the pea or not, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

Then today after sitting on the back of one of my chairs, she gleefully realized that the quilt hoop was just an easy step away and she has now ensconsed herself in the hammock that is a Katrina remembrance quilt (just something simple for me). Nevertheless, I was reminded why I put up the quilting frame...definitely a kitty with a passion for quilting!

And why I named a quilt after her (I'm taking this top this week to the quilter; I completed it a couple of years ago).

Book Review: The Constant Princess by Phillipa Gregory

The Constant Princess is about King Henry VIII’s first wife Katherine of Aragon, mostly before they get married. She is betrothed to Henry’s older brother Arthur at the age of three and grew up her entire life knowing that she would someday be the queen of England. Her first marriage gets off to a rocky start, but eventually she and Arthur learn to love one another and have a rather passionate four months together before he dies. It is at this point that Katherine’s fate is undecided. She is the right political match for Henry but she’s 6 years his senior, and since he’s only 11 at the time that’s a big deal. Henry VII, Henry VIII’s father, takes a liking to Katherine and proposes marriage to her after his wife Elizabeth dies in childbirth. Katherine at first accepts but then realizes that her power would be minimal with such a strong king and decides to wait for Henry to figure out that they should be married. Of course he does, they are betrothed, but Henry VII doesn’t make life easy for Katherine, keeping her in poverty by refusing her allowance and making life otherwise miserable for her. He soon dies, though, leaving Henry free to choose his wife, so he chooses Katherine. The story ends with Katherine’s triumphant victory over the Scots through a battle that ended in King James’s death.

While I really enjoyed the first half of this book, the middle and latter half really brought me down. Katherine suffered the plight of so many other of Gregory’s heroines: power greed. Gregory paints such a power hungry picture of Katherine that she ceases to be a “real” character for me and moves into the archetype that she created with Anne Boleyn. And while I don’t doubt that someone of Katherine’s station has to be power hungry, the overt manipulations, the decisions, the plotting, all get old after a couple hundred pages. And the epiphany on the battle field where Katherine realizes that if she were to lay waste to Scotland that she would be perpetuating her mother’s wrongs, fell flat for me. I guess Katherine had grown and matured by that point, but the switch was so abrupt that it felt lacking in sincerity.

So, while I would recommend this book to lovers of Gregory’s work, especially the Tudor era novels, I would recommend those who want a less stock portrayal of Katherine to steer clear of it. I will read her next book, the Boleyn Inheritance, because I like her story telling and can tolerate her women when they get greedy, but I would love a more holistic portrayal of the life and times of the Henry VIII court that what was found in the Queen’s Fool.

A Whirlwind Ensues

I hope all my family in Texas is doing ok with all the crazy weather out there. I don't miss ice storms that's for sure. I remember getting out of New Orleans from our honeymoon and driving through miserable rain all the way home and then waking up the next morning with ice on our windows. I couldn't make it to Christmas at my Aunt Betty's house because we couldn't drive anywhere. I don't miss the winter weather from Kentucky and am happy to be in South Mississippi where people get in a frenzy when the temps drop below 35 (of course these's the pesky hurricanes, but luckily we don't get those very often!).

Speaking of frenzies, I've been in one myself getting my office set up and unpacking everything while still trying to make progress on all these projects I have going. I hope to have some pictures of my new desk when I get everything set up. I've bought an ergonomic keyboard and am basically having to relearn to type which is frustrating considering that I'm a pretty good typist. I'm predicting that things will calm down next week sometime!

Book Club Book Review: Sorrow of Archaeology by Russell Martin

The Sorrow of Archaeology is about dealing with a debilitating disease while life goes on around you. Sarah has multiple sclerosis and has to address the issues of losing her ability to work, her ability to be a mate to her husband, and her ability to care for herself. Her husband Harry is struggling with all of these things, too, and the relationship dynamic is the center of this moving story.

Structured in a series of vignettes focusing on three areas of their lives, The Sorrow of Archaeology does a nice job of showing how a once healthy person (and relationship) changes in the face of disease. It is sad to watch Sarah blame herself for the failing of her marriage, while her husband, who isn’t the best of communicators, tries to cope but isn’t able to do so very well.

I liked the structure of the novel. I thought the comparisons between the different phases of Sarah’s life were very interesting. The sense of knowing a geographical place and living best within it was also a strong point of the novel. I did find some of the language to be a little stilted and there were mechanical/typographical errors that should have been caught in the editing phase. Overall it was a good book and a quick read.

My Stitching Treasures

Cross stitch on 40 count linen with silk thread, beads, buttons and charms. Designed to go on a box, but I'll simply frame it and hang it in my sewing room.

Book Review: A Rose for the Crown

A Rose for the Crown by Anne Easter Smith is one of those books that kept being recommended to me and I kept thinking “I’m just not sure I’m going to like it all that much because it sounds like a tawdry romance story.” I mean any story that is about a king and his mistress is all about sex right?

Well, not necessarily. This book is actually a very good historical romance. It deals with issues of class, forbidden love, politics, women’s rights/plight, geography, and growing up. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Though it is a big book it only took me a little over a week to complete, and I looked forward to every reading—in fact, I stole a few from my otherwise insanely busy schedule of late.

The basic story line follows Katherine Haute as she changes from a farmer’s daughter to the mother of the king’s son and daughter. She is sent to a cousin’s to be a companion to his daughter and there is educated and introduced to the finer things that wealth can buy while comparing those to the love she misses from her family. After she is married to man much older than her, she realizes that she can make the best for herself and does so in the few short years they are married.

He dies, though, and she is once again free. This time she chooses her mate, a choice that is not necessarily a good one for her, but allows her the freedom to embark on a love relationship with then King Edward’s brother, Richard (soon to be King Richard III). After Richard marries, however, he ends the relationship with Kate, but provides a life for their children at court.

A few themes I found really interesting about the book were the absolute lack of choice in life. Marriage was for merging of property and politics and while you could try to make the best of it, it was still tough. Another thing I found interesting was the definition of a “great” distance. The house that Kate moves to is only 10 miles from her childhood home, and yet she could only go home on very special occasions and then it was a considerable journey with the poor roads and means of transportation.

I really enjoyed this book. I look forward to the next production by Smith.

What kind of entrepreneur...

...sleeps until 10am?

Answer: A very tired one!

I had decided last night before going to bed that I would sleep late this morning, take the day off to quilt since I haven't been able to do that in a long, long time (I used to call them mental health days...), but I was thinking 8:30 or so...when I popped my head out of the covers and saw it was 9:45, I laughed out loud...guess I was tireder than I thought.

Happy new job to me! I think I'm going to really like it. Yesterday was great with meetings all day, and I do have lots of project to attend to, but nothing that will go sour by tomorrow.

To teach an old dog new tricks...

They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I wonder what they think about a young-ish cat? I've never heard a saying like that...

Cats are really funny creatures. They are the most social animals, but they certainly don't act like it if they can help it. They need companionship and attention, though, and will often go crazy trying to get it. They like routines and won't change unless forced to--you can rely on a cat to remind you at the precise moment every day when you're supposed to feed it. And they are really smart, at least some of them are. (I do have one that's rather dumb...or lazy or something like that). But they can learn and will start to do stuff new if you give them a chance and keep them stimulated.

Last month when we went on our trip we boarded the cats. I was really worried about boarding Lochi because she is more set in her routine and she really likes to run around...and I mean run like a motorcycle, rip roaring around the house. She also isn't very keen on strangers and it takes her a very long time to like someone. Case in point--she has just within the year decided David was safe enough to pet her, and she's lived with us for three.

Anyway, the cats did fine at the "boarding house" and came home healthy if a little weak from sitting in a cage for days (which they quickly got over by jumping around on their favorite furniture). But Lochi, who has maybe meowed voluntarily three times in her life before this trip, meows all the time now. She walks into a room and says "me-ow, me-ow, me-ow." And here is where I wish I had a tape of her doing this because it's so funny. It's like she's learned to meow without having the meowing language so her meows sound "accented" and very precise. In the morning when she jumps on me to wake me up, she says "meow." When I get out of the shower, she's waiting on me with a fresh, loud "meow" (clearly meaning "don't you know that's WET? ICKY!") It's a hoot.

Sugar Free...1/2 Year

It's been a really hard 6 months without sugar. Sometimes I mourn for it, but then I think about where it's gotten me (or more precisely stated, where I got myself through consumption of the grainy white substance) and I know that I'm better off without it...but that doesn't always help when I'm feeling a huge craving for a big old piece of chocolate cake with chocolate icing. Or when I'm traveling and all the stores seem to have is snickers bars and milky ways. Or when I'm celebrating my self-employment and I can't indulge in the caramel turtle cheesecake.

It's hard.

But it's also really really good...and this is where I try to rewire my brain when it gets to feeling deprived. I've lost 20 pounds since June. Most of it without even really focusing on the other kinds of food I'm eating. I'm walking 2.5 miles a day now and will continue to do that until I am ready to move up the 3 miles a day, and so on. As soon as things settle down (and they will within the week) I'm going to be eating on the "Dr. Phil" plan, which is really just eating healthily, but he throws in the necessary psychological tools to help you be successful at losing weight.

So, really it is good that I'm not eating sugar. I'm glad because I know that sugar has been the thing that sidetracked me all the other times I tried to lose weight. I know I'm not going to go on a binge that last for months because I have come to realize that I simply can't...

But it's not easy and it's a daily battle--that's been worse since the holidays--that I'm fighting. I don't know if it'll get easier or not, but I do know I'm not going to give up!

Before and After the Snow

The cathedral started by Archbishop Lamy when Santa Fe was originally declared a diocese--before and after the snow.

Palo Duro Canyon

The Palo Duro Canyon is about 20 miles south of Amarillo, TX. It is the second largest canyon in the United States. It was a beautiful, but windy, day when we were there.

Three Generations

Although a fairly decent tequila, the three generations I'm referring to is my grandmother, me and my daughters. Taken Christmas Eve, 2006. (and yes, I realize that I've skipped the generation that is my dad, but since he's not in the picture and four generations isn't a fairly decent tequila...)

More photos later this week...

Happy Birthday Alyssa and Elizabeth

I hope turning 15 is as wonderful for you as it can be...

To the rest of my loyal readers...I've been out of computer contact for 10 long days and today the internet at work wasn't working...I've been assured it will be tomorrow. Hopefully I'll have some lovely pictures from vacation to entertain.

Only a few days until Christmas...

And I'm in a bad mood. Both David and the girls are driving me nuts, I have an 8 day trip to look forward to, most of which will be spent in the car with the three people who are driving me nuts.

And I was going to write a witty blog about one of my favorite past-Christmases, but I can't seem to get in the mood to do that--maybe tomorrow.

And my shoulder hurts!

And Betty, the Cat with Fireflies is a needlepoint that will be a wall-hanging when I get it framed--it's about 11x18 or so. I bought it when you bought your mermaid!

Cat with Fireflies

Needlepiont with wool yarn. Design by Chris Roberts-Antieu.

See #6 Below

16 things I love about being married to David

1. He supports and encourages me in any crazy idea I come up with.
2. He loves my art.
3. He reads books I like just so we can talk about them.
4. He drives me to work most days.
5. He leaves me notes in my lunch or on the computer where he knows I'll find them.
6. He sends me flowers.
7. He plays with my hair and give me goosebumps...
8. He is all about 100% cooperation with the kids.
9. He cooks.
10. He can't sing to save his life, but he sings anyway.
11. Everything he does, he does with verve.
12. He drives everywhere we go.
13. He listens to my music and even learns to like some of it.
14. He encourages me when I'm struggling.
15. He plays games with me and sometimes lets me win.
16. He loves me unconditionally.

Happy Anniversary David!

Last Night

Last night I was up until midnight finishing a paper that's due today. Never since my second semester in graduate school at TAMU (1994) have I waited so late to finish a paper. I kind of felt guilty about it, even...but it's not due until 5pm today, I have a very solid draft that I need to edit and e-mail in...so it's not really all that bad.

Except for the fact that I'm now 37 years old and staying up until midnight writing a paper leaves you with an "almost hangover" the next day. That's not fun.

BUT I can say I'll never do it again and mean it because this is the last class I'll ever take! yeah! Dissertation here I come!!!!!

Why is It?

Why is it that when you're good and rip-roaring mad at someone, they go and get sick so you can't yell at them?

On a lighter note...have paper due tomorrow and must go write it. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow.

Book Review: Abundance: A Novel of Marie Antoinette by Sena Jeter Naslund

Abundance is a first person account of Marie Antoinette's life and is so perfectly cast from inside her head that I almost believed her. The letters her mother wrote, the stories she was "fighting" against, and the horror of the revolution cast doubt on her veracity, but as a reader you still want to believer her. And even though I knew the ending of the story, I think I was as shocked as she was that she was executed.

The novel starts with Marie Antoinette leaving home and recreating herself as the Dauphine of France. Her youthful exuberance and her desire to be loved is enchanting, as she herself seems to be, but she fails to arouse her husband which almost dooms her new life from the beginning.

As Marie Antoinette tries to negotiate the foreign world she finds herself in, she grows more cynical and tries to find enjoyment from other areas of life—through gambling, lovers, friends, the arts, and finally her children. She is cast by the public in a horrible light and has to explain again and again to her mother that the stories about her are just rumors.

As Louis’s indecisiveness and her lack of awareness of the horrors going on around her continue to mount, Marie Antoinette’s life as royalty comes to an abrupt end with the storming of the Bastille. The way Naslund portrays Marie Antoinette’s life as an imprisoned monarch very convincingly demonstrates her attempts to maintain the fairy tale life she had created for herself. During these three years, or so, she never loses hope that she will get back home to Austria until the very end when she is sentenced to be executed.

for the love of old friends

My friend visited this weekend. We met in grad school in Kentucky but he's now teaching at a university in Washington state. We haven't seen each other in five years and have communicated with the scarcity of people who have ridiculously busy schedules. He is also a very good friend with David, so the three of us had quite a wonderful time.

One thing that I think is really neat about seeing old friends who you really connect with is that moment when you see each other and get past the "it's so good to see you how long has it been" moment to the moment where you are talking like you haven't been apart--just talking like you always did about things that are interesting and fun to you. If we had the "how long has it been moment" I don't remember it. It's like he walked in and we started talking about our observations on life and it was fun.

I'll miss him now that he's going home. I won't miss being so tired, but I'll miss seeing him and chatting! It's hard to keep in touch as much as would make me happy, but it makes me feel good knowing that when we get together again we'll start a conversation about the latest book we've read or make observations about our waiter that makes my eyes water I'm laughing so hard...fun, good times!

Christmas Cards

I'm one of those funny people who LOVE getting Christmas cards. I check through the mail every day looking for some, but so far, I've only gotten one Christmas card this year. And I know part of the reason is that I haven't sent mine out. I've been so busy and stressed that I haven't had the opportunity to enjoy the thought of writing everyone's address on an envelope and thinking about what they've been up to since I last heard from them. It's a nice reflection on the bounty of my life and my friends and colleagues. It makes me feel good and happy.

Until a few years ago, I would always send my cards out the day after Thanksgiving. Aunt Betty would always tell me that mine was the first she received, but then one of her friends started sending hers before me and I wasn't first anymore, and then I got crazy and didn't manage to get my cards out. I'm two weeks late this year, and I still don't have stamps.

I have always wondered, though, why some people don't send cards until they get them. I fear if I did that I wouldn't get any, and then I'd have all these boxes of cards that I bought to send to everyone I know and love, just waiting. Probably some anxiety born out of teenage misery (if I don't share my makeup, they won't like me).

The Birdie has left the nest

I resigned my position yesterday and will go fully independent beginning in January 2007. How scary and exciting and wonderful all at the same time. So, hopefully like the baby bird in my earlier post (August 2), I'll begin flitting and flying around now that I've been knocked off the fence!

One Happy Family

This is the photo that would have gone in my Christmas cards had all of my head been in it. Still it is a good picture of the family and one I wanted to share.

Where is the line?

I have a really great job. I get to do something I'm pretty good at (write grants) while working with really smart people as they do something they're really good at (research projects). I get paid well for this region, my boss is very nice and not even sort of a micro-manager...even so, I'm getting to the point where I'm about to say "this is enough."

When I started the job, I agreed to publish the college's newsletter. I collected ideas, wrote most of the stories, took pictures, talked with people and put together a fairly decent newsletter. I was expecting to continue to put this together until I got too busy to do so...what happened instead is that I got volunteered to put together articles for any other publication the university does and wants to spotlight our college or departments herein. I've also been volunteered to assist all the departments (there are 13 of them) in redesigning their brochures. When it became evident that I didn't have the least bit of sense about actually using any designing software, the departments went elsewhere. (and yes, I'm still coordinating the newsletter)

Then two years ago, my dean decided to put on an invention competition. Again, I was asked to coordinate. Was in fact, told that if I needed a student worker, that I could have one (never did come to fruition, my suspicion is that the finance person stopped it from going through the channels).

So, the first day of the week after the month where I spent my time writing, revising, and helping finalize 15 grants (not lying here), where I worked two weekends in a row and came back from Thanksgiving to an office in such a mess that I couldn't find most of the new things I need to start working on, I get a new directive from my dean: I will be assisting the finance person for the college by taking over the research grant accounts, etc., that she handles. We bring in over $40 million dollars, probably submit upwards of 1000 grants per year. I have no idea how I'm supposed to do this, the other three "non-job" related activities, PLUS my job.

The line may be here and I may be looking at it right in front of my toes...and I may be ready to cross it.

Sort of feels like I imagine it would before you take that step off of the bungee jumping platform. I say I would never ever in my whole entire life ever bungee jump...but crossing this line feels like something I would do. I'm just going to get over being mad before I do it!

A Red and Silver Christmas Tree

You Dumped WHAT on my Car?

Yesterday I went to Ocean Springs and Gulfport (the sites of two of our campuses) to meet with faculty about proposals they are or will be working on. I also had lunch with the program director of my evaluation contract. Ordinarily that wouldn't be interesting enough to put into a blog, but I experienced news-making traffic. Now, I know this is Biloxi, but I WAS in the middle of it, and it was news-making traffic.

I left Ocean Springs and went up to the Interestate because the Biloxi Bay bridge is gone from Hurricane Katrina and probably won't be opened until at least 2 years. So, what was once a 2 mile drive across the bay is now a 25 mile drive, in traffic. So, I get on the interstate and am cruising at decent speed, when I come up over a hill and realize that traffic is stopped. I sat and sat and sat. Then realized we weren't moving and probably wouldn't for a while. I called my lunch appiontment and told her I'd be a while. It took almost an hour of creeping and crawling to move about 3 miles.

As I'm sitting in traffice more and more police cars are driving along the side to get to the accident. I thought "maybe they'll be directing traffic and moving us along soon. " I had the thought that maybe someone was trying to jump off the bridge ahead...Then I saw the "hazmat" truck and got worried--chemical or oil spill? Then, if you'll believe it, when I finally get to the scene, there is dirt, or what looks like it, all over the place. I followed the trail with my eyes and saw that a dump truck was indeed pulled over on the side of the highway, apparently having lost his load. I figured it must have caused an accident from all of the glass and car parts still on the freeway but there weren't any full cars there.

When I get to the Gulfport campus, I looked on line to see if there was a traffic advicement at least--there were two. The first said that there was a 2-car accident on the Biloxi River Bridge that would have traffic backed up until noon. The second said that there was a report of...well, just read it for yourself...

So, I sat in traffic for over an hour yesterday because of a sewage spill (that's what I make of the miscommunication in the paper...there couldn't have been a sewage "backup" on the Biloxi River Bridge because it's a pretty big bridge over a pretty big river that has boat traffic...). And now my lower back is in a muscle spasm from that horrible driving experience...I'm just glad I wasn't the person who got the "surprise" load dumped on me. How horrible!

Back to the Salt Mines

At least I'll be working a mroe reasonable expectation in the next few weeks. I have stuff to do, thank goodness (I do hate being bored) but it won't be insane like it was last month...and for that I am utterly thankful.

Speaking of being thankful, last week, I took off after Monday when my big grant was due. I thought I'd update you on my vacation--most of which was spent being totally lazy!

• I took the girls to see Marie Antoinette and then to eat lunch at Chili's. The movie was just ok...it was a weird mix of historical artsy film and "catch the teens and 20 somethings by loud music and Kirstin Dunst."
• I finished To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.
• I ate Thanksgiving dinner with my family--which was just so-so, everything besides the turkey was really good, but the turkey was awful.
• I watched SEVERAL games of college ball on tv. Loved seeing my Aggies win.
• We put up our Christmas tree--it's very pretty...red and silver this year, though I discovered I was low on silver ornaments. Have ordered some and hope to have them up soon.
• Went to my birthday dinner with the family. I had a rib-eye with steak and scallops. It was quite yummy.
• I went shopping for Christmas presents--I only had to buy two this year, and I'm DONE!
• I slept until at least 9am every day.
• I solved the mystery of the non-delivered birthday flowers. For some reason they were delivered to my office, so we came to get them on Sat. afternoon. Then last night I sat up with my kitty who had decided to eat one of the lilies, much to her stomach's distress!
• I started a new book, Abundance by Sena Jeter Naslund. It's about Marie Antoinette and SO much more interesting than the movie was.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I missed seeing my family!

Other things I am Thankful For...

• A wonderful Birthday!
• The Aggies beating the HELL out of t.u.
• The best husband in the world!

I am thankful for...

A trip to Europe that has motivated me to exercise and diet. I've lost 7 pounds so far!

I am thankful for...

A $5000 smile! (she got her braces off yesterday)

One Thing I Am Thankful For...

A cat who expresses my feelings exactly...

home stretch

My big grant is due Monday and there is still a LOT to do...I'm going to try to get it all done, and hopefully my creativity and love of life will return!

Then I can talk about what I'm thankful for...

Sugar Addiction

In June I came to terms that I have a full-blown addiction to sugar. I realized then that the only way I was going to be able to control my sugar intake was to never have it again. Like an alcoholic or a drug addict, I "abuse" sugar after just the smallest attempt at keeping measures sane. I'll go to lengths to hide the addiction--only eating stuff I buy from the vending machine and not telling David. A little bit is never enough. I read in an article about Keith Urban's alcoholism recently that another country singer (name I can't recall) who was also an alcoholic said, "One drink is too much and a 1000 is not enough." That's how I feel about sugar. In my time I could eat a piece of cake for dinner...it would have to be a large piece of cake, but I could eat it and feel satisfied that I'd had food for dinner. I could also rationalize some sugar intake--it wasn't much, or it was only this one time, or a single cookie isn't all that bad. I also realized this time that "fake" sweets are "gateway drugs" for me and will lead me back to eating the real stuff simply because they taste good but not quite good enough.

I say all of this to justify that sugar can really be an abused substance. The main problem is that it is available everywhere you go. In the cafeteria there's a whole section devoted to desserts. Grocery stores have multiple aisles with sweets on them in all shapes and sizes. We love our Starbucks specailty coffee drinks, which are really glorified syrups with caffeine. Whereas an alcoholic can begin to gain control over their addiction by not going to liquor stores or bars, a sugar addict cannot simply quit living, hide out at home and hope no one stops by with a birthday cake or holiday pie. At our office, we celebrate every little ordeal with a bakery cake. For most people, this isn't a problem. They have their piece and then take some home to the family, but I know if I have one itsy little bitty bite it will send me into a spiral...So, just like I can have several glasses of wine on Friday night and not have any more for a month and not think about it or miss it, some people can eat a piece of cake and then not want anything else sweet again or think about it.

I can also look back over my life and see that this has always been a problem for me. I am glad that I've finally gotten control over it--almost 6 months now I've been sugar free and I intend to stay that way for the next 60+ years of my life.

But, when I mention to people that I don't eat sweets, they always say "why not" with that tone that says "I can't believe anyone would give this up!" And I reply that I have an addiction that I can't control, and they always look at me askance. For some reason, it seems more "justified" to be addicted to something that will completely and utterly destroy your life and those around you, but to be addicted to something that "just" makes you fat and grumpy is silly. I guess there needs to be an awareness campaign or something. Maybe something along the lines of the "tobacco kills"...we could say "sugar kills...slowly...but it kills."

Book Review: Queen of Swords by Sara Donati

Queen of Swords, the 5th installment in Donati’s “Into the Wilderness” Series, continues the cliffhanger from the 4th. It stays focused on Hannah, Luke and Jennet and their struggle to first regain Luke and Jennet’s baby and then to get out of New Orleans during the middle of the Battle for New Orleans in 1814.

I enjoyed this book. In fact, I’ve enjoyed all of the books in the series. Revisiting the characters is like going to a family reunion, only one in which I control the time (that I read!), if not the events. I did miss Elizabeth and wanted more of her story—especially since she has the baby “predicted” in book 4. However, I do understand Donati’s need to focus on these three characters as they grow up and develop into adults. I enjoyed getting to know them better, especially the friendship that develops between Jennet and Hannah.

My two concerns with the book are definitely making me think through some pre-conceived notions I have had. First, I would think that after Hannah’s ordeal that she would have to experience more turmoil to recover, the same with Jennet who is kidnapped for a year. However, other than a few minor outbursts of emotion, they seem to be getting along fine and adjusting to the life and what it has thrown at them. I have to think through whether I find this good or not.

The second issue I have is the portrayal of southern slave owners, especially in apparent disregard for the fact that slavery was a national issue up to the early 1800s. With the exception of the Livingstons, all of the slave owners are horrible, horrible people. What makes the owning of slaves such a difficult issue is that combined with the owning of humans for labor and the moral issues that go along with that, the owners were also humans who could be compassionate, loving and nice. They were not all depraved all of the time. The complexity of this human-ness is one of the things I find missing in Queen of Swords, and something that Donati usually does very well. I can’t remember a “stock” character in any of her other books (and I’ve read them all now except for Homestead which is in my library to be read soon), but her slave owners felt very much to me like Simon Legree from Harriet Beecher Stowe’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin. (And please note that I’m not saying there weren’t horrible people like that in the South, because we wouldn’t have the stories we have if there weren’t, but they weren’t all gambling drunks who rape, beat and otherwise mutilate their slaves.)

I did enjoy this book and highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys Donati’s or Lippi’s work, or a good historical romance that isn't afraid to challenge your suppositions and make you think about the issues of the day while weaving a good story on top of it. She is a very good writer who manages to get the details right. You love her characters and want to get to know them better. When I’m reading one of her books, I think about it when I'm not reading, which really encourages me to get back to it, and I’m always rewarded when I do!

Books

I love books. I love reading and holding books and seeing them stacked neatly in my library (or anyone's library for that matter). I love books so much, in fact, that I thought once about switching careers and becoming a librarian. But then I discovered that librarian-ism really isn't about books as much as it's about keeping things in order, and I would end up being one of those cranky librarians who was always upset because someone put the book they were browsing in the wrong place.

In her comment last week, Betty asked how many books have I read, 1000? Well, that got me to thinking because I have absolutely no idea. I know that I have over 300 books that I want to buy someday and read, and about 100 already bought and waiting impatiently to be read. There are approximately 600 books in our library right now. About 2/3 of those are "mine" though others have read them, but I was the one who bought them or read them first. So, that's 400.

I figure that I read probably 10 books for every literature class I took. If you include undergraduate and graduate classes, then there were probably 20 classes, or 200 books, some of which may have been repeats, and some are sitting in my library, so I'll be conservative and say 150 books read for study. That brings the total to approximately 550.

When I was taking my PhD comps in English, I had to read 200 books and articles, approximately half were books, and approximately half of those were new, so we'll say 50 extras there. The total is now at 600.

I've read plenty of books in my life that I don't still own, or borrowed from the library or friends. We'll put that total at around 5 books a year for my adult life, 15 years, which is another 75 books, and makes the new total around 675.

This number does not include (and won't for reasons I'll get to in a minute) academic or research books I've read as part of my education PhD. I think I'm comfortable with saying that in my adult life I've read approximately 700 books.

I don't want to count things I read in high school or before simply because the books weren't as "big" and I wouldn't be able to remember most of them now anyway. I read ALL the time when I was growing up. I had a book that I carried to class with me so that I would have something to keep me going when I was finished with class work. I loved and read almost every single Sweet Valley High installment up until I was a junior in high school. I was a huge fan of Judy Bloom and devoured anything she wrote.

I also don't want to count things I've read as part of my PhD in education becasue I would never pick those books up and read them for anything other than work--and I don't count reading done at work in the same category as reading done for pleasure.

Which brings me to the second part of Betty's question. I find time to read because it's how I relax. I do not watch TV except for 1 show per week. Right now I try to catch a few college football games, but other than that, my tv viewing is pretty limited. I think I read for the same reasons that a lot of people watch tv--to relax, escape the realities of my life, and get some mental stimulation that doesn't require super-heavy analysis.

I am surprised many days that I survived so long as a literature student. Not that I don't love literature, because I do, but because it required me to WORK while reading and took away my reading for pleasure time...

And right now I would rather be at home finishing the last 20 pages of the book I started last weekend and read straight all day Saturday!

Why Stress is Bad for You

1. You forget things very easily.
2. You feel tired all the time.
3. You don't sleep well (which is probably why you feel tired all the time).
4. Your muscles tense up in your neck and back making you feel uncomfortable.
5. You're grumpy, often without realizing it.
6. You don't think clearly and make stupid mistakes as a result.
7. You have weird dreams.
8. You crave food that is awful for you.
9. It causes high blood pressure.
10. It clouds your judgment.

Do I Belong?

And do I even want to belong? (Sometimes I can be too rebellious in my desire to be accepted and liked. )

Last night at book club no one liked the book. And I loved it. It's one of my favorite books ever. I have promised to read anything that Gabaldon publishes because I love her work so much. I think her writing is smart and witty. I love her characters and the crazy situations they get themselves into and out of.

And normally if I'm the only one who likes or doesn't like the book, I don't really care. The way I see reading now is that it's a recreational thing. If I don't like a book I'm not going to waste my time reading it when there are so many other books I want to read. Not to mention that I feel like I paid my dues in grad school reading all manner of books that I didn't like--and not only reading them, but having to discuss in rigorous detail what the author intended by a certain turn on phrase, etc, and then having to write massive papers about that one little thing that supposedly no one but me has ever really noticed about that book.

But last night I took the rejection of "my" book personally (and it wasn't even my suggestion, just one that I had recommended to another bookclub member and she wanted us to read it...only she wasn't there). Especially when we started discussing the new books we want to put on our reading list--and none, not one single one, of their books was I even remotely interested in. Not to put down books about overcoming adversity, but I'm just not in a place in my life where reading those kinds of books is something I can do. I don't need something depressing me when I have enough struggle just trying to get two teenagers grown up enough to handle the life that's going to come at them in a couple of years.

I began to feel like I don't belong to this group of women who I have really come to love and enjoy their company. I love going to bookclub and discussing all manner of interesting topics--whether they're relating to the book or not. And it made me a little sad.

Book Club Book Review: Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

If you like big books, historical fiction, romance, novels about Scotland, strong women, adventure, time travel, mystery, or even a little witchcraft/medicine, I think you'll enjoy Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. This first installment in a saga that spans (so far) approximately 35 years between 1740-1776 is just about as perfect as a big book with all those elements listed above can be.

So, what's the basic plot you ask? That's more difficult to answer than you might think but I'll give it a try. Clare, 20th century nurse just finishing up with WWII, is "honeymooning" with her husband Frank Randall in Scotland when she "falls" into a time travel portal and finds herself in the middle of a cattle raid/skirmish in 1740-ish. She is rescued from the hands of the knave, Jack Randall (Frank's ancestor), by another scoundrel, Jamie Fraser. As she travels farther from her escape route (the stone circle she fell through) she is more desperate to get back all the while falling more for Jamie.

Being a healer, though, Clare must help those in need, and becomes known for her powers. Suspected as a witch among many other things, Clare and Jamie have to negotiate the time that she's in (he doesn't know about her time traveling abilities, and when he finds out he doesn't really believe her). The two are continually getting in trouble, being caught and sent to prison, etc., and have to rescue one another.

The reason I am always so reluctant to give a summary of this book is because it sounds like such a silly plot, but really it is very well written, smart, believable, and a terrific consuming read. I have read all 6 installments (the first 5 twice) and can only hope that Gabaldon is writing ferociously to get the 7th out.

I Just LOVE Surprises Part II

Last week I got this package in the mail. It was your regular non-descript brown envelope, only if felt a little heavy to me for the size of the package. I saw that my dear Aunt Betty had sent me something, and that always means it's good, so I ripped into it. Tightly wrapped in tissue paper was my gift, which again, was heavier than I thought possible for the size, so I set it down on my desk to get scissors to cut the paper. When I made my first cut...out popped a BEEautiful orange kitty! See I have proof!

Variations on a Theme

Seems like my life really hasn't changed that much in the past 6 years...Here is a poem I wrote in March 2000, clearly about one of my daughters pitching a fit (and for the record, they were 8 at the time). We've had discussions about who it's about. I think it was A...that would have been typical of her at the time. Now it would be about E.

How Could She?
By Leslie Butler

I refused to look at her
She plopped herself onto the ground
Beginning to cry, but not making any sounds
I didn’t see her lips starting to quiver

She’s now full-length on the floor
Screams coming louder
I don’t see her mouth contorted
In screams and sobs

She begins to kick her feet
Screaming even louder
Still I refuse to look at her
Knowing the snot is oozing down her nose
Probably even dripping into her mouth

As her arms begin to flail
And she screams even louder
I know that her eyes are red and puffy
Tears popping out one at a time at a rapid pace

But then she says
“Mommy please hold me”

And how could I not?
No matter what she did
Then I couldn’t be mad at her
I was and I will
But not then.

Donimoes!

When I stayed with Grandma and Papa T growing up, I played dominoes (only I called it donimoes) with her almost every day. Sometimes Papa would play with me. I got pretty good at playing dominoes and started beating Papa. Being the competitive fellow he was, this was really hard to take, and after a while he quit playing with me.

I had my own dose of being the sore loser this past weekend, and now I understand why Papa quit playing dominoes with me…it simply wasn’t fun. Now, let me preface the rest of this entry with the fact that while I am competitive, I don’t usually mind losing…I may not LIKE it, but I can deal with it if I’m facing a decent competitor and am playing up to my best. Apparently, what I can’t deal with is losing to someone who is a decent competitor OVER and OVER again.

It happened like this. I learned a new game on my Hoyle card games software called Spite and Malice. It works very similarly to two player solitaire with two decks only there are only 4 “ace” spots in the middle, you do not build according to suit, kings are wild and you take turns. You have to empty your “pile” and the first player to do so wins 5 points plus points for the number of cards in the opponent’s pile. It’s fun, I beat the computer on hard every single time I play, so I thought it was time for a more worthy opponent.

Enter David. I taught him Friday after dinner and we played a few hands without taking score. I chalked his beating me to the fact that I wasn’t playing all that competitively (we weren’t taking score after all and he did need to get the basics of the game). However, after playing several hands on Sat., and winning only a couple, I was beginning to feel myself get agitated and aggravated that I wasn’t winning. I even fussed at one point that David was taking too long to decide how to lay out his cards. “It’s just a GAME after all,” I quipped. Even moving much faster, he was still beating me. I felt myself becoming obsessed with winning this stupid game, so I was playing beyond the tiredness of my back.

Sunday we are still playing and I am STILL losing. I can barely stand it! I feel so stupid, but I can’t handle losing this game. We go exercise, I come home starving, we order dinner, I eat, we play, I lose again and this time I realize that I am simply not having fun playing this game…and that’s the point of games after all, right? To have fun. So, I told David that I cannot play Spite and Malice with him anymore. I have officially entered the ranks of “sore loser.”

The Day After Halloween

The day after Halloween has usually meant gorging on candy and talking about your great scares and treats from the night before. When my kids were little it meant looking at their candy bag and trying not to get grossed out. In order to "claim" all of their candy, my girls would open each piece of candy, lick it and then put it in their bag. Thus they ensured that no one would eat their candy. David and I always tried to save some of the good stuff from this abuse...

Until this year, the day after Halloween meant that I had free rein to eat the candy left over from our dirth of trick-or-treaters (we live on a street with mainly older people, so there aren't very many kids). I would try to psyche myself out by buying candy I thought was yucky, but I would usually end up going back to the store for caramels. I absolutely love caramels and will eat them in just about any form or brand.

The day after Halloween usually means that "once the candy is gone I'll get back on my diet" but who can really stick with that considering THanksgiving is less than a month away. This year, I never got off my "no sugar" deal so I'm not having to "get back" on anything.

Those who like to dress up will put their costumes back for another year. They and the rest of us will start stocking up on all of our Christmas stuff that has been in the stores since September, but which none of us really allow ourselves to buy until now. The day after Halloween for me has usually means I start my Christmas shopping, but this year, my family is getting a trip to Europe so there aren't going to be any major Christmas gifts...I have no idea what I'll do with myself until then except work and exercise and try not to eat too much!

Book Review: Delta Wedding by Eudora Welty

Welty has a way with words that is unlike any other American author. Delta Wedding is one of those “typical” Welty books that delivers passages that you have to reread several times because they are so evocative of time, place or spirituality.

DW is set at Shellmound, the Fairchild’s plantation in the Mississippi Delta, aka cotton country. Laura McRaven, a cousin to the Fairchilds’ travels by train from Jackson to Fairchild and is both overwhelmed by her huge family of cousins, aunts and uncles, and lured to be accepted by them. Laura’s mother had recently passed away, and she expects to be treated special as a result. Other than her first greeting by her Aunt Ellen (the matriarch of this enormous family) she is pretty much left to fend for herself. Sometimes this proves too much for her, but by the end of the novel it seems that Laura fits right in with the rest of the Fairchilds.

One theme in particular that I liked about the book is that of the view of the outsider. Laura is an outsider who both wants to be inside and remain outside. She likes her “special-ness” by being an orphan and not being part of the Fairchild clan, but she desperately wants to be part of something grand, and the Fairchilds seem like a good place to start. Ellen, who married Battle Fairchild, is from Virginia and is seen as snooty even though she is thoroughly in love with the people around her. Welty does such a wonderful job of showing someone who is so overwhelmed by her life that she can’t seem to react with enthusiasm—it’s as if she’s a piece of drift wood in the Yazoo River. Then there is Troy Flavin who is the bride groom of the story. Not only is he from another part of Mississippi where there are hills, but he is the overseer for the plantation—he is doubly outside. He looks different than everyone else, too. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see the world from Troy’s perspective other than in the few statements he makes about his mother and her quilting.

I enjoyed reading DW, though I have to admit I wished it were a little shorter. I felt myself being overwhelmed by the huge cast of characters. I still don’t know how many children Battle and Ellen have, and I found myself wondering who some minor characters were upon their reintroduction to the story. That said, Welty has such a talent for a turn of phrase or for the absurd, that I found myself laughing out loud and thoroughly enjoying this book.

Too much!

Too much work to do, not enough of me to do it!

I promise better blogs after tomorrow when things should be calmed down...

A Response to Yesterday's Comments

I never knew Grandma Blackmon, but I can see her talking to herself outside while doing a chore because that's what I would do if I were alone and had some free time to talk to myself. Showers/baths are the best time to talk to yourself because you are usually alone (i.e. no one else in the room or bathroom with you) and you can cover it up, mostly, with the sound of the water and splashing. Clearly not so when I was a kid, but then I didn't think anything of my imaginary friends as being any other than my real friends, only I could control them better.

Another thing I really like to do when alone is sing and dance. When I was growing up I would put on my mom's "At the Hop" records and twirl my baton and pretend I was leading the band through Los Angeles or San Francisco. I was something in my beautiful glittery costume (usually represented by my knit t-shirt and shorts with a scarf wrapped around my neck).

One day--here in MS--David was working late, the girls were at a friends, and I was in my sewing room piecing a new quilt. Life could not have been better. I could talk to myself, sing and dance, and sew! My room is big and has a tile floor, so sliding around and doing the groove thing is really encouraged. I was having so much fun that I did not hear David walk in the door, nor did I notice him standing there watching me until I did a particularly klutzy twirl and stopped facing him and almost died of embarrassment. He told me to carry on, but somehow I simply couldn't.

"Self," I said...

Do you talk to yourself? Outloud? Do you ever leave yourself a voice message to remind yourself to do something you know you'll forget if you don't call? Do you ever e-mail yourself and say "Do X by Monday or else!"

Do you talk to yourself by name? I encourage myself by saying "Ok Leslie, you can handle this problem...just get in there and kick ass." But I don't usually say "Leslie, how are things today?"...but when I think about it, I don't really call most people by their names unless I'm trying to get their attention or make sure that they know I'm talking to them, so I'm not likely to do that with myself.

Do you answer yourself? Ask a question and reply as if you were the "other" person in the conversation? This is usually how I write, btw. I "say" it in my head and my critical reviewer says "that's pretty good, but try it this way" and then I reply "well, I liked this turn of phrase" and then I finally get it right after talking it through--silently of course.)

How do you end these conversations? The girls were laughing at me a few weeks ago when I left a message for myself at work and said "Bye." A conversational convention based on greeting and salutations doesn't work when you're talking to yourself. You can't say "hello self" and have that make sense unless you're schizophrenic...so saying "goodbye" to yourself doesn't really make sense either.

Tired!

So tired today. Did not sleep well last night at all. Please keep those ideas coming for future blogs you'd like to read...for today it will be an explanation of why I'm so tired. Which I know will be funny at some point. (probably about the same time I care that that was a sentence fragment!)

It started about 11:30 when I was falling asleep and heard a car alarm. It eventually went off, so I tried to ignore it and go back to sleep but I had that uneasy feeling you get sometimes, so I went to check things around the house--looking out the front door I saw that our house was wrapped/rolled/tp'd (whatever you call it, it's apparently a Hattiesburg HS homecoming tradition) last night. That annoyed me to no end. I woke David, showed him, and then we both went back to bed where I stewed for a good long time.

Finally went to sleep, woke at 3:30 with the feeling that A snuck on the computer yesterday afternoon (and she would have had to figure out our password in order to do that) so I let my imagination go crazy and had them both leaving the play last night and going around town and wrapping other people's houses and basically being stupid. So, by 5 when I realized I wasn't going to get to sleep unless I had a plan, I got up, checked the computer and saw that A had indeed been on the computer Monday--both her internet history and file properties showed it--and I was PISSED. Then I get back in bed, feeling righteous that I caught her, planned out the conversation we'd have this afternoon and actually started to relax when I realized that today is Wednesday, and Monday would have been two days ago, not yesterday, so she didn't get on the computer illegally, and then I was awake again and kicking myself for being such an ass in my head...

I know I drifted off again somewhere in there because I woke up when David came to tell me it was 7. So, now I'm exhausted after having only about 3 hours of sleep.

Nothing...

...at all going on around here except work and more work. Creativity is kind of murky...any ideas I should write about?

Motivation

Motivation is a funny thing. Sometimes you can't get motivated to do anything and then something will light your fire and suddenly you're working hard! A couple of recent motivators in my family:

• Going to Europe has motivated me to get to the gym--so much so that I went 5 days in a row! I won't go tonight or tomorrow because I have class, but I WILL be there on Wednesday at 4:30. For our itinerary, see Rick Steves Family Europe Tour.
• My children were motivated to clean their room with the promise of a new mattress. It was done within an hour. Amazing considering where they started.

Dream Theme #5: Going back to School

I often dream that I have to go back to Teague High School to pick up some credit that I inadvertently didn't get when I was in high school. Ironically this is usually an ENGLISH class that I missed out on becauseI was in band or something else crazy like that. I argue with the administration telling them that my 2 degrees in English should count for something, but they always make me go back and take this one class.

Dream Theme #4--Getting Married

I ofen dream of getting married--and not always to David. Sometimes I dream about the idea of it--I'll be getting married next week and I have all this stuff to do. Sometimes I dream that I'm walking down the aisle, and I don't know who is at the end of it. Sometimes I'm getting married to someone who is not David and I'm trying to figure out how I tell them that I'm already married and how I tell David that I'm getting married to someone else. Last night I dreamed that I was getting married to someone who was getting married to someone else who was marrying someone who was marrying my husband. It was this totally convoluted process, but we could do this "legally" because marriage was "one-way". I married someone but they didn't necessarily marry me. It was very confusing and I was actually kind of happy to wake up!

Dream Theme #3: Extra Rooms/Perfect House

I have had this dream ever since I can remember. I will go into a door of my house and find that it hides behind it a whole new set of rooms that are perfect. Spacious, airy, light, wonderful. I am so delighted to discover this part of my house/apartment that I never knew existed that I bounce around and look up and down and plan how I'm going to keep it clean and pretty. And the funny thing is that usually during this dream while I'm walking around in wonder, I think to myself, "isn't it a shame that I didn't know this was here until now...how I could have been using these rooms!"

I'm usually a little depressed when I wake up after one of these dreams. I was so full of wonder and hope that coming back to reality--a place where there aren't hidden rooms--is a little sad. Sometimes, though, that little hint of discovery and excitement lingers after I wake up to keep me motivated and excited all day.

Dream Theme #2: Tornadoes

I used to have this dream all the time--just about every night. In its hey-day I might have had two of these dreams a night. Now it's down to about once a month at most.

The basic premis is that I am somewhere away from home and then this huge tornado threatens our building. I am in charge of getting everyone to safety, and I don't always know where that is. The panic and frustration that ensues is usually very scary. Just in time the tornado either dissipates or turns another direction. I have never been hit by the tornado.

Dream Theme #1: Losing Teeth

I have dreamed about losing teeth since I can remember having dreams. In these dreams it may be as simple as losing one tooth--it falls out and I think "oh, no, I've lost a tooth" and keep going with what I was doing--or as horrifying as losing all my teeth one by one, crumbling in my mouth and almost choking me to death. These occur very infrequently but I always wake in a panic that is equivalent to waking to a burning house--full-on body sweats, heart pounding, etc.

These dreams are always terribly realistic. I can feel my tooth in my hands or mouth. I can see everything, smell, talk to people, etc. It usually happens when I'm doing my normal everyday activities, adding to the realism.

About 6 or 7 years ago, though, I started recognizing the dreams for what they were WHILE I was dreaming, and would say things like "geez, I used to dream about these things all the time, and now it's real." Recently when I've had the dream, though, I'll respond by saying "thank goodness this is only a dream because this would really suck." When I can respond that way, the fear and horror of my teeth falling out goes away and I'm able to sleep normally again.

Update

1. Discovery Day was indeed a day of discovery. The kids discovered that dorm rooms are "really small but worth it for the experience of having a bad roommate." David and I discovered that our idea of traveling is opposite of the kids' idea of traveling: impending problem for our trip to Europe this summer.

2. Acting on insight #2 from above, we had a talk with the kids where they discussed what they liked to do in traveling (E shopping and seeing touristy sights, A going with her plan and seeing stuff--touristy and not). Getting lost, driving around to see what's interesting, waking up one morning to discover what we want to do--not on their list (and all that's on our list). So, we were right, and decided on a compromise of Rick Steve's family Europe trip. We'll see most of the places we were going to go anyway, with an added eastern France and Austria. Plus we'll spend the last couple of days there going to the Loire Valley in France and seeing the chateaux. I think we're all looking forward to our trip now--the kids because they'll be more secure and less worried that we'll never find our way out of our lost-ness, David because he won't have to drive all the time, and me becuase I won't have to worry about whether David is tired and what the kids are thinking as they're chewing their fingernails.

3. We paid our 1st three quarters of 2006 taxes yesterday. There is definitely a dis-incentive to working hard and earning extra money.

4. I'm reading Eudora Welty's Delta Wedding. I love Welty a lot, but she slows you down. You feel like you really do have to read every word in order to see all the beauty she sees. I'm loving it--this may be my favorite book of hers yet--but it's slow-going and I probably won't have a book review for another week! I know, shocker when I was chunking them out there at a rate of one or two a week!

5. Last but not least, Saturday on the way home from Starkville, we saw the most beautiful sunset and cloud formations. It had me captivated for almost 2 hours. Unbelievable feathery clouds looking like they were on fire from the sun. Then the clouds formed a bowl above our heads in little puffs of cotton and looked like a flower opening with the sun as its stamen. It was something else.

Dreams next entry...I just felt the urge to update since it was such an insightful weekend.

Discovery Day

Tomorrow my girls and one of their friends will go to Mississippi State's "Discovery Day" where they get to learn about the university and all of its programs and other cool stuff that perspective college students want to know. Their desire to go there has stemmed from the fact that MSU is actually recruiting--sending letters, flyers, announcements and the like. Hopefully they'll come home with a burning desire to do really well in school...

Reproduction Quilt

Book Club Book Review: The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory

I almost did not read The Other Boleyn Girl because I had started reading Wideacre by Gregory and was so offended by the sexual depravity of the main character that I had to put it away. A friend had loaned the book to me, and I tried to return it to her explaining that I just couldn't read it because of the bad experience of the first book. She urged me to keep it and read it anyway because "it really is a good book." So, I started it on the plane on the way home from visiting her, and she was right.

I really enjoyed looking at the relationship of Anne Boleyn and Henry VII from the perspective of a sister, Mary, who is overlooked and mistreated but loved nonetheless. I thought the opening of the book with the beheading was very well-written and certainly takes you to the time and place where simple misdeeds can mean your life.

The family's lack of regard for Mary's desires in her life was sad. I wanted to go smack her parents for basically prostituting their daughter for their own financial and political gain.

My friend's feelings on the book is that Anne's character was a little overdrawn--she was TOO much of everything: beautiful, manipulating, sexual, etc. That didn't bother me, however, because it was clear from Henry's infatuation with her that she would have had to have been TOO much in order to lose her life.

I'm very interested to see what the book club thought of OBG. I enjoyed it enough to stay home an extra day getting over a sinus infection so that I could finish it. I know one other person didn't like it...

The Pinebelt Quilters Quilt Show

To see the local paper's slide show (and audio) of the quilt show this weekend, click this link.

Hope you enjoy. I don't know how long the link will be active, so go soon!

The Weekend

I hope everyone had a good time. I did. It was nice seeing my parents and talking to my nephew who amazes me every time I see him. He's a solid kid--hope he keeps on track.

We went to the Pine Belt Quilters Quilt Show which was really nice. There were some beautiful quilts. I did not take my camera, but trust me that the quilts were gorgeous.

We also played two games of "pocket canasta"...the girls won the first time and we let the boys win the second time :)

Other than that, we talked a lot and ate some yummy food (we'll have chicken wings all week!).

Thanks Mom and Dad, for coming down. We enjoyed your visit!

Musica Fabulosa

When we lived in College Station there was a Spanish radio station called "Musica Fabulosa." My Spanish teacher was the DJ in the evenings and his radio name was "El Maestro Romantico" which roughly translates to "the love teacher" but means something more along the lines of "romance expert." Not only did he play romantic Spanish songs, but he gave relationship advice to callers. It was fun to listen to while I had a mild ability at understanding Spanish.

That's a long introduction to say that I've been driving a lot the past two days and have listened to lots of music. I have two new-ish CDs which I absolutely love: Rascal Flatts's "Me and My Gang" and Pat Green's "Cannonball." Flatts have outdone themselves on their current CD (it's been out since April or May, but it just hit me about 2 weeks ago how GOOD is really is). Not one single song on the album makes you want to fast forward through it; in fact, I've wanted to rewind and listen to many of the songs over and over and over so that I can memorize them and sing along. My favorite (and this is hard to figure out) is "What Hurts the Most" which is actually released on the pop charts, but is a fabulous song, and very difficult to learn to sing. I think my mom would like "Ellsworth, KS, 1948" because it's about a woman who has Alzheimers and is living in 1948 when she was first falling in love. But all of the songs are really wonderful and I can hardly get enough.

I bought Green's CD less than a month ago and I listened to it over and over and over when I first got it. David even asked if we could listen to another CD because he was getting a little tired of it. Again, all of the songs on this CD are really top-notch. Back and forth my CD player went the past two days listening to these songs. It's made some really boring driving more tolerable.

What are y'all listening to these days?

I Just Love Surprises!

Especially when said surprises come totally unexpectedly (thus the surprise part, I guess) from someone who I would never dream would send me a surprise...but I truly enjoyed my African Bush Tea sent to me by Mma Romatswe who was in Wimberley, TX, recently scouting out a messy situtation involving Billy Bob Thornton and some rogue bananas.

So, Thank you Mma Romatswe (or may I call you Precious) for my delicious tea that I enjoyed after my teenagers went to bed. I hope it will help me solve my problems, too!