There is a song by Mary Chapin Carpenter called "Middle Ground" where she wishes for some space in the middle where she could be content (lyrics here if you're interested). There's the overly busy side of her that works really hard and enjoys it. Then there's the side that goes home, turns off the phone and hides under the covers for the weekend even though she feels guilty about avoiding her friends and family. There's the part of her that longs for love so bad it hurts and the part of her that is happy to be single.
I'm searching for that middle ground. I'm perfectly happy with my love so that's not an issue, but I would like some more quiet time with David. I'd love to be able to spend an entire 24 hours where neither of us works or thinks about work. It would be heavenly not to look at the clock sometime between 5 and 5:30 and realize that I've got to get up and "go to work." And I love my job...but I need some space or something where I can be just middle for a few days. No pressure, no expectations, just middle.
I long to sit and play the piano uninterupted for a long time. Or read a really good book (I'm at that place in my current book, so that's nice). Or weave a lovely complicated project. Or even shop on-line for some yarns in pretty colors that I would love to work with.
I've been dreaming of tidal waves and swollen out of control rivers. I compare these dreams to my former tornado dreams (which I haven't had in a long time). And what is so odd about all this--this feeling of stress--is that I don't really feel stressed. I thoroughly enjoy my job, everything I'm doing is fun and interesting, and will make significant changes in the culture and practice of the college where I am...there's just not enough time to get everything done. And that must be the point of stress. Time slips away every day and here I am at the end of it with a pile left to plow through tomorrow.
So, I long for middle ground. That place between up and down where I can enjoy what's around me and appreciate all that I have before me.
1 comment:
You will reach that middle by the this time next year. Sorry it is a long time but you have to plow through to get things started right now. Once you have it fixed the way you want it, you will be able to look back and realize why you were in the stress mode. Hope you get a few hours anyway.
Mom
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