You Dumped WHAT on my Car?

Yesterday I went to Ocean Springs and Gulfport (the sites of two of our campuses) to meet with faculty about proposals they are or will be working on. I also had lunch with the program director of my evaluation contract. Ordinarily that wouldn't be interesting enough to put into a blog, but I experienced news-making traffic. Now, I know this is Biloxi, but I WAS in the middle of it, and it was news-making traffic.

I left Ocean Springs and went up to the Interestate because the Biloxi Bay bridge is gone from Hurricane Katrina and probably won't be opened until at least 2 years. So, what was once a 2 mile drive across the bay is now a 25 mile drive, in traffic. So, I get on the interstate and am cruising at decent speed, when I come up over a hill and realize that traffic is stopped. I sat and sat and sat. Then realized we weren't moving and probably wouldn't for a while. I called my lunch appiontment and told her I'd be a while. It took almost an hour of creeping and crawling to move about 3 miles.

As I'm sitting in traffice more and more police cars are driving along the side to get to the accident. I thought "maybe they'll be directing traffic and moving us along soon. " I had the thought that maybe someone was trying to jump off the bridge ahead...Then I saw the "hazmat" truck and got worried--chemical or oil spill? Then, if you'll believe it, when I finally get to the scene, there is dirt, or what looks like it, all over the place. I followed the trail with my eyes and saw that a dump truck was indeed pulled over on the side of the highway, apparently having lost his load. I figured it must have caused an accident from all of the glass and car parts still on the freeway but there weren't any full cars there.

When I get to the Gulfport campus, I looked on line to see if there was a traffic advicement at least--there were two. The first said that there was a 2-car accident on the Biloxi River Bridge that would have traffic backed up until noon. The second said that there was a report of...well, just read it for yourself...

So, I sat in traffic for over an hour yesterday because of a sewage spill (that's what I make of the miscommunication in the paper...there couldn't have been a sewage "backup" on the Biloxi River Bridge because it's a pretty big bridge over a pretty big river that has boat traffic...). And now my lower back is in a muscle spasm from that horrible driving experience...I'm just glad I wasn't the person who got the "surprise" load dumped on me. How horrible!

Back to the Salt Mines

At least I'll be working a mroe reasonable expectation in the next few weeks. I have stuff to do, thank goodness (I do hate being bored) but it won't be insane like it was last month...and for that I am utterly thankful.

Speaking of being thankful, last week, I took off after Monday when my big grant was due. I thought I'd update you on my vacation--most of which was spent being totally lazy!

• I took the girls to see Marie Antoinette and then to eat lunch at Chili's. The movie was just ok...it was a weird mix of historical artsy film and "catch the teens and 20 somethings by loud music and Kirstin Dunst."
• I finished To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.
• I ate Thanksgiving dinner with my family--which was just so-so, everything besides the turkey was really good, but the turkey was awful.
• I watched SEVERAL games of college ball on tv. Loved seeing my Aggies win.
• We put up our Christmas tree--it's very pretty...red and silver this year, though I discovered I was low on silver ornaments. Have ordered some and hope to have them up soon.
• Went to my birthday dinner with the family. I had a rib-eye with steak and scallops. It was quite yummy.
• I went shopping for Christmas presents--I only had to buy two this year, and I'm DONE!
• I slept until at least 9am every day.
• I solved the mystery of the non-delivered birthday flowers. For some reason they were delivered to my office, so we came to get them on Sat. afternoon. Then last night I sat up with my kitty who had decided to eat one of the lilies, much to her stomach's distress!
• I started a new book, Abundance by Sena Jeter Naslund. It's about Marie Antoinette and SO much more interesting than the movie was.

I hope you all had a wonderful holiday. I missed seeing my family!

Other things I am Thankful For...

• A wonderful Birthday!
• The Aggies beating the HELL out of t.u.
• The best husband in the world!

I am thankful for...

A trip to Europe that has motivated me to exercise and diet. I've lost 7 pounds so far!

I am thankful for...

A $5000 smile! (she got her braces off yesterday)

One Thing I Am Thankful For...

A cat who expresses my feelings exactly...

home stretch

My big grant is due Monday and there is still a LOT to do...I'm going to try to get it all done, and hopefully my creativity and love of life will return!

Then I can talk about what I'm thankful for...

Sugar Addiction

In June I came to terms that I have a full-blown addiction to sugar. I realized then that the only way I was going to be able to control my sugar intake was to never have it again. Like an alcoholic or a drug addict, I "abuse" sugar after just the smallest attempt at keeping measures sane. I'll go to lengths to hide the addiction--only eating stuff I buy from the vending machine and not telling David. A little bit is never enough. I read in an article about Keith Urban's alcoholism recently that another country singer (name I can't recall) who was also an alcoholic said, "One drink is too much and a 1000 is not enough." That's how I feel about sugar. In my time I could eat a piece of cake for dinner...it would have to be a large piece of cake, but I could eat it and feel satisfied that I'd had food for dinner. I could also rationalize some sugar intake--it wasn't much, or it was only this one time, or a single cookie isn't all that bad. I also realized this time that "fake" sweets are "gateway drugs" for me and will lead me back to eating the real stuff simply because they taste good but not quite good enough.

I say all of this to justify that sugar can really be an abused substance. The main problem is that it is available everywhere you go. In the cafeteria there's a whole section devoted to desserts. Grocery stores have multiple aisles with sweets on them in all shapes and sizes. We love our Starbucks specailty coffee drinks, which are really glorified syrups with caffeine. Whereas an alcoholic can begin to gain control over their addiction by not going to liquor stores or bars, a sugar addict cannot simply quit living, hide out at home and hope no one stops by with a birthday cake or holiday pie. At our office, we celebrate every little ordeal with a bakery cake. For most people, this isn't a problem. They have their piece and then take some home to the family, but I know if I have one itsy little bitty bite it will send me into a spiral...So, just like I can have several glasses of wine on Friday night and not have any more for a month and not think about it or miss it, some people can eat a piece of cake and then not want anything else sweet again or think about it.

I can also look back over my life and see that this has always been a problem for me. I am glad that I've finally gotten control over it--almost 6 months now I've been sugar free and I intend to stay that way for the next 60+ years of my life.

But, when I mention to people that I don't eat sweets, they always say "why not" with that tone that says "I can't believe anyone would give this up!" And I reply that I have an addiction that I can't control, and they always look at me askance. For some reason, it seems more "justified" to be addicted to something that will completely and utterly destroy your life and those around you, but to be addicted to something that "just" makes you fat and grumpy is silly. I guess there needs to be an awareness campaign or something. Maybe something along the lines of the "tobacco kills"...we could say "sugar kills...slowly...but it kills."

Book Review: Queen of Swords by Sara Donati

Queen of Swords, the 5th installment in Donati’s “Into the Wilderness” Series, continues the cliffhanger from the 4th. It stays focused on Hannah, Luke and Jennet and their struggle to first regain Luke and Jennet’s baby and then to get out of New Orleans during the middle of the Battle for New Orleans in 1814.

I enjoyed this book. In fact, I’ve enjoyed all of the books in the series. Revisiting the characters is like going to a family reunion, only one in which I control the time (that I read!), if not the events. I did miss Elizabeth and wanted more of her story—especially since she has the baby “predicted” in book 4. However, I do understand Donati’s need to focus on these three characters as they grow up and develop into adults. I enjoyed getting to know them better, especially the friendship that develops between Jennet and Hannah.

My two concerns with the book are definitely making me think through some pre-conceived notions I have had. First, I would think that after Hannah’s ordeal that she would have to experience more turmoil to recover, the same with Jennet who is kidnapped for a year. However, other than a few minor outbursts of emotion, they seem to be getting along fine and adjusting to the life and what it has thrown at them. I have to think through whether I find this good or not.

The second issue I have is the portrayal of southern slave owners, especially in apparent disregard for the fact that slavery was a national issue up to the early 1800s. With the exception of the Livingstons, all of the slave owners are horrible, horrible people. What makes the owning of slaves such a difficult issue is that combined with the owning of humans for labor and the moral issues that go along with that, the owners were also humans who could be compassionate, loving and nice. They were not all depraved all of the time. The complexity of this human-ness is one of the things I find missing in Queen of Swords, and something that Donati usually does very well. I can’t remember a “stock” character in any of her other books (and I’ve read them all now except for Homestead which is in my library to be read soon), but her slave owners felt very much to me like Simon Legree from Harriet Beecher Stowe’s Uncle Tom’s Cabin. (And please note that I’m not saying there weren’t horrible people like that in the South, because we wouldn’t have the stories we have if there weren’t, but they weren’t all gambling drunks who rape, beat and otherwise mutilate their slaves.)

I did enjoy this book and highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys Donati’s or Lippi’s work, or a good historical romance that isn't afraid to challenge your suppositions and make you think about the issues of the day while weaving a good story on top of it. She is a very good writer who manages to get the details right. You love her characters and want to get to know them better. When I’m reading one of her books, I think about it when I'm not reading, which really encourages me to get back to it, and I’m always rewarded when I do!

Books

I love books. I love reading and holding books and seeing them stacked neatly in my library (or anyone's library for that matter). I love books so much, in fact, that I thought once about switching careers and becoming a librarian. But then I discovered that librarian-ism really isn't about books as much as it's about keeping things in order, and I would end up being one of those cranky librarians who was always upset because someone put the book they were browsing in the wrong place.

In her comment last week, Betty asked how many books have I read, 1000? Well, that got me to thinking because I have absolutely no idea. I know that I have over 300 books that I want to buy someday and read, and about 100 already bought and waiting impatiently to be read. There are approximately 600 books in our library right now. About 2/3 of those are "mine" though others have read them, but I was the one who bought them or read them first. So, that's 400.

I figure that I read probably 10 books for every literature class I took. If you include undergraduate and graduate classes, then there were probably 20 classes, or 200 books, some of which may have been repeats, and some are sitting in my library, so I'll be conservative and say 150 books read for study. That brings the total to approximately 550.

When I was taking my PhD comps in English, I had to read 200 books and articles, approximately half were books, and approximately half of those were new, so we'll say 50 extras there. The total is now at 600.

I've read plenty of books in my life that I don't still own, or borrowed from the library or friends. We'll put that total at around 5 books a year for my adult life, 15 years, which is another 75 books, and makes the new total around 675.

This number does not include (and won't for reasons I'll get to in a minute) academic or research books I've read as part of my education PhD. I think I'm comfortable with saying that in my adult life I've read approximately 700 books.

I don't want to count things I read in high school or before simply because the books weren't as "big" and I wouldn't be able to remember most of them now anyway. I read ALL the time when I was growing up. I had a book that I carried to class with me so that I would have something to keep me going when I was finished with class work. I loved and read almost every single Sweet Valley High installment up until I was a junior in high school. I was a huge fan of Judy Bloom and devoured anything she wrote.

I also don't want to count things I've read as part of my PhD in education becasue I would never pick those books up and read them for anything other than work--and I don't count reading done at work in the same category as reading done for pleasure.

Which brings me to the second part of Betty's question. I find time to read because it's how I relax. I do not watch TV except for 1 show per week. Right now I try to catch a few college football games, but other than that, my tv viewing is pretty limited. I think I read for the same reasons that a lot of people watch tv--to relax, escape the realities of my life, and get some mental stimulation that doesn't require super-heavy analysis.

I am surprised many days that I survived so long as a literature student. Not that I don't love literature, because I do, but because it required me to WORK while reading and took away my reading for pleasure time...

And right now I would rather be at home finishing the last 20 pages of the book I started last weekend and read straight all day Saturday!

Why Stress is Bad for You

1. You forget things very easily.
2. You feel tired all the time.
3. You don't sleep well (which is probably why you feel tired all the time).
4. Your muscles tense up in your neck and back making you feel uncomfortable.
5. You're grumpy, often without realizing it.
6. You don't think clearly and make stupid mistakes as a result.
7. You have weird dreams.
8. You crave food that is awful for you.
9. It causes high blood pressure.
10. It clouds your judgment.

Do I Belong?

And do I even want to belong? (Sometimes I can be too rebellious in my desire to be accepted and liked. )

Last night at book club no one liked the book. And I loved it. It's one of my favorite books ever. I have promised to read anything that Gabaldon publishes because I love her work so much. I think her writing is smart and witty. I love her characters and the crazy situations they get themselves into and out of.

And normally if I'm the only one who likes or doesn't like the book, I don't really care. The way I see reading now is that it's a recreational thing. If I don't like a book I'm not going to waste my time reading it when there are so many other books I want to read. Not to mention that I feel like I paid my dues in grad school reading all manner of books that I didn't like--and not only reading them, but having to discuss in rigorous detail what the author intended by a certain turn on phrase, etc, and then having to write massive papers about that one little thing that supposedly no one but me has ever really noticed about that book.

But last night I took the rejection of "my" book personally (and it wasn't even my suggestion, just one that I had recommended to another bookclub member and she wanted us to read it...only she wasn't there). Especially when we started discussing the new books we want to put on our reading list--and none, not one single one, of their books was I even remotely interested in. Not to put down books about overcoming adversity, but I'm just not in a place in my life where reading those kinds of books is something I can do. I don't need something depressing me when I have enough struggle just trying to get two teenagers grown up enough to handle the life that's going to come at them in a couple of years.

I began to feel like I don't belong to this group of women who I have really come to love and enjoy their company. I love going to bookclub and discussing all manner of interesting topics--whether they're relating to the book or not. And it made me a little sad.

Book Club Book Review: Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

If you like big books, historical fiction, romance, novels about Scotland, strong women, adventure, time travel, mystery, or even a little witchcraft/medicine, I think you'll enjoy Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. This first installment in a saga that spans (so far) approximately 35 years between 1740-1776 is just about as perfect as a big book with all those elements listed above can be.

So, what's the basic plot you ask? That's more difficult to answer than you might think but I'll give it a try. Clare, 20th century nurse just finishing up with WWII, is "honeymooning" with her husband Frank Randall in Scotland when she "falls" into a time travel portal and finds herself in the middle of a cattle raid/skirmish in 1740-ish. She is rescued from the hands of the knave, Jack Randall (Frank's ancestor), by another scoundrel, Jamie Fraser. As she travels farther from her escape route (the stone circle she fell through) she is more desperate to get back all the while falling more for Jamie.

Being a healer, though, Clare must help those in need, and becomes known for her powers. Suspected as a witch among many other things, Clare and Jamie have to negotiate the time that she's in (he doesn't know about her time traveling abilities, and when he finds out he doesn't really believe her). The two are continually getting in trouble, being caught and sent to prison, etc., and have to rescue one another.

The reason I am always so reluctant to give a summary of this book is because it sounds like such a silly plot, but really it is very well written, smart, believable, and a terrific consuming read. I have read all 6 installments (the first 5 twice) and can only hope that Gabaldon is writing ferociously to get the 7th out.

I Just LOVE Surprises Part II

Last week I got this package in the mail. It was your regular non-descript brown envelope, only if felt a little heavy to me for the size of the package. I saw that my dear Aunt Betty had sent me something, and that always means it's good, so I ripped into it. Tightly wrapped in tissue paper was my gift, which again, was heavier than I thought possible for the size, so I set it down on my desk to get scissors to cut the paper. When I made my first cut...out popped a BEEautiful orange kitty! See I have proof!

Variations on a Theme

Seems like my life really hasn't changed that much in the past 6 years...Here is a poem I wrote in March 2000, clearly about one of my daughters pitching a fit (and for the record, they were 8 at the time). We've had discussions about who it's about. I think it was A...that would have been typical of her at the time. Now it would be about E.

How Could She?
By Leslie Butler

I refused to look at her
She plopped herself onto the ground
Beginning to cry, but not making any sounds
I didn’t see her lips starting to quiver

She’s now full-length on the floor
Screams coming louder
I don’t see her mouth contorted
In screams and sobs

She begins to kick her feet
Screaming even louder
Still I refuse to look at her
Knowing the snot is oozing down her nose
Probably even dripping into her mouth

As her arms begin to flail
And she screams even louder
I know that her eyes are red and puffy
Tears popping out one at a time at a rapid pace

But then she says
“Mommy please hold me”

And how could I not?
No matter what she did
Then I couldn’t be mad at her
I was and I will
But not then.

Donimoes!

When I stayed with Grandma and Papa T growing up, I played dominoes (only I called it donimoes) with her almost every day. Sometimes Papa would play with me. I got pretty good at playing dominoes and started beating Papa. Being the competitive fellow he was, this was really hard to take, and after a while he quit playing with me.

I had my own dose of being the sore loser this past weekend, and now I understand why Papa quit playing dominoes with me…it simply wasn’t fun. Now, let me preface the rest of this entry with the fact that while I am competitive, I don’t usually mind losing…I may not LIKE it, but I can deal with it if I’m facing a decent competitor and am playing up to my best. Apparently, what I can’t deal with is losing to someone who is a decent competitor OVER and OVER again.

It happened like this. I learned a new game on my Hoyle card games software called Spite and Malice. It works very similarly to two player solitaire with two decks only there are only 4 “ace” spots in the middle, you do not build according to suit, kings are wild and you take turns. You have to empty your “pile” and the first player to do so wins 5 points plus points for the number of cards in the opponent’s pile. It’s fun, I beat the computer on hard every single time I play, so I thought it was time for a more worthy opponent.

Enter David. I taught him Friday after dinner and we played a few hands without taking score. I chalked his beating me to the fact that I wasn’t playing all that competitively (we weren’t taking score after all and he did need to get the basics of the game). However, after playing several hands on Sat., and winning only a couple, I was beginning to feel myself get agitated and aggravated that I wasn’t winning. I even fussed at one point that David was taking too long to decide how to lay out his cards. “It’s just a GAME after all,” I quipped. Even moving much faster, he was still beating me. I felt myself becoming obsessed with winning this stupid game, so I was playing beyond the tiredness of my back.

Sunday we are still playing and I am STILL losing. I can barely stand it! I feel so stupid, but I can’t handle losing this game. We go exercise, I come home starving, we order dinner, I eat, we play, I lose again and this time I realize that I am simply not having fun playing this game…and that’s the point of games after all, right? To have fun. So, I told David that I cannot play Spite and Malice with him anymore. I have officially entered the ranks of “sore loser.”

The Day After Halloween

The day after Halloween has usually meant gorging on candy and talking about your great scares and treats from the night before. When my kids were little it meant looking at their candy bag and trying not to get grossed out. In order to "claim" all of their candy, my girls would open each piece of candy, lick it and then put it in their bag. Thus they ensured that no one would eat their candy. David and I always tried to save some of the good stuff from this abuse...

Until this year, the day after Halloween meant that I had free rein to eat the candy left over from our dirth of trick-or-treaters (we live on a street with mainly older people, so there aren't very many kids). I would try to psyche myself out by buying candy I thought was yucky, but I would usually end up going back to the store for caramels. I absolutely love caramels and will eat them in just about any form or brand.

The day after Halloween usually means that "once the candy is gone I'll get back on my diet" but who can really stick with that considering THanksgiving is less than a month away. This year, I never got off my "no sugar" deal so I'm not having to "get back" on anything.

Those who like to dress up will put their costumes back for another year. They and the rest of us will start stocking up on all of our Christmas stuff that has been in the stores since September, but which none of us really allow ourselves to buy until now. The day after Halloween for me has usually means I start my Christmas shopping, but this year, my family is getting a trip to Europe so there aren't going to be any major Christmas gifts...I have no idea what I'll do with myself until then except work and exercise and try not to eat too much!