Visitation

When Grandma S died, I was so broken hearted. I'd been having trouble during my first semester at college, and was barely hanging onto a D in calculus. What I wanted to do was go to her funeral, what I had to do was go to class and then go down for all the family stuff after the funeral. Only when I showed up for class the professor had canceled it. I cried and cried right there in the hall because of the stupidity of the whole situation.

I was also supposed to go on my first date with David that weekend, and while he understood I remember being really afraid that he would dump me.

I know I was being irrational because of losing someone who I truly believed would be here forever. I had plans for the photograph of her, my grandmother, my mother, me and my daughter whenever I had one. I thought a five generational picture would be so awesome. Of course it never happened.

So, after I finally got myself under control and drove home, I found that talking to family, remembering Grandma S and taking some time away from all the regular stress in my life made a huge difference in my outlook. I was still so sad about her being dead though that I could barely stand it. Remember I was 19 and this was the first person close to me who had died.

That night I dreamed that Grandma S came to sit beside me on the bed. She held onto my foot and stroked my back and told me that she loved me dearly and that she would miss me but that she was in such a happy wonderful place right now. She was fine and where she wanted to be and that she would always be looking out for me.

I woke the next morning in such peace. When I went out for breakfast, my mom said she had a dream about Grandma S sitting on her bed talking to her about how she was fine and happy. It was weird, but I believed her and told her about my dream. We both know that Grandma S came to visit us to calm our grief, and that in doing so, we were able to continue to miss her, but feel confident that she didn't have to be gone from our lives.

At 36, I have lost other important people in my life and have been visited by them many times in my dreams, but she only came that one time. I know her spirit is satisfied and at peace, and while I miss her and would love her calm voice in my ear sometime, I know I'll see her again on the other side...and I'm happy to wait a long time...