Mahi Mahi Burger

In 1993 David and I traveled to Hawaii. On this trip, we went to Hana, Hawaii. If you've never traveled this road, it does indeed look much like the cartoon map on the web-site linked above. Fifty-two miles of the most harrowing road I've ever been on--and once you get there you have to drive it back.

But, much encouraged by the locals we talked to, we decided to take the trip. We had a little mustang convertible which was cute, fast and perfect for an all-day drive in paradise, so out we headed on Sunday morning for a tiny little village that thrives on tourists.

Our first mistake was that we were in Hawaii on a very cut-rate package because people just weren't traveling over there at that time of year (mid-May). Our second mistake was to go on Sunday. Our third was to not pack lunch. Our fourth mistake was to assume that the fast little mustang would make much of a difference on this road, where if you drove over 30 miles an hour you'd careen into a cliff or canyon and never be seen again.

It was indeed some of the most beautiful picturesque landscape I've ever seen. I can still close my eyes and see some of the bays we drove around with sheer dropping cliffs and rainforests all around. We have pictures of elephant ear plants that were bigger than me. It was truly inspiring and awesome.

So, we get to Hana, tired and hungry and ready for a romp around this little town, only to find out that every restaurant was closed except for this one little road-side hut-thing where you ordered your dinner through the window and sat on picnic benches to eat. While this wouldn't ordinarily be a problem, I do tend to sunburn very easily, we were really ready for some air conditioning and some quiet (we were both beginning to feel a little green around the gills from the drive), and well, I have a thing about ordering fish out of a "hut."

Standing in line and trying not to be too grumpy, we weren't talking much, so we got to over hear the "surfer dude" in front of us ordering his lunch (and please read this in your best imitation of stoned surfer dude that you can conjure): "I want a mahi-mahi burger, man, without the mahi-mahi, man." The cashier replied, "Huh?" So the surfer said, "You know, man, I want a mahi-mahi burger without the mahi-mahi." He paused to judge comprehension and seeing that the cashier was still really confused he went on... "Look, dude, I want the mahi-mahi burger without the mahi-mahi. I want the lettuce, the tomato, and sauce and the bun, but I don't want the mahi-mahi, man."

Finally the cashier got it and told the surfer that she couldn't charge him less for the sandwich just because he didn't want the fish. And he replied, "That's fine, dude. I don't eat anything that was alive once, man." He got his sandwich and walked on. I don't know where he ended up or what he did after that.

While David and I were refueling with whatever lunch we ordered, we talked and laughed about the mahi-mahi man, and to this day, something will trigger the memory in us and we'll look at each other and simultaneously say "I want the mahi-mahi burger without the mahi-mahi man" and make ourselves giggle.