...the creativity that I want to come out...I can feel it burgeoning there on the surface of my brain. It is straining, but it is telling me there's entirely too much stress in the way to come out. I almost feel like I did back in the spring of 2002 when I'd been at my first "real" job for about 4 months, spring has dawned gloriously with sunshine and buds and green, green grass. I had one puny window in my office that taunted me with azaleas in bloom...all I wanted to do was be outside playing and rolling in the grass, but instead I had to deal with this jerk of a boss who made me feel so low. The play I craved was my way of dealing with that jerk, but he was preventing me from being able to play because I was so miserably in his power.
In fact, one of the reasons I was looking so forward to resigning my position at USM was that I would have more time to be creative and have fun. That the projects I'd be working on would inspire me to be a better quilter and mother and wife and friend.
What I kind of forgot about is that indeed I will be at that place, but not before February 12th. See the 12th is when the last project I'm working on for USM is due. And then I won't have to spend any more mornings like today sitting in a meeting for 2.5 hours listening to people brainstorm how to make their project better all the while ignoring that they have a 17 page draft in front of them that is a really good start and a deadline looming its ugly head just around the corner. I will be happy to be rid of them, their annoying behaviors and the stress that they pile up on me. I will be happy to be able to let that litte creative bug come out and see what stories I can tell...I have so many piled up in there. But the waiting and the stress and the irritation with everything else makes it hard not to be a little bitter.
For the record, I had a wonderful productive day yesterday...it's today that's left me gloomy.
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